


I Don't Fall In Love

by Ryuchan20



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Finally finished after all this time, Loosely follows the events of KH2 and Dream Drop Distance in regards to the characters, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Slow Burn, canon AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2018-02-17 09:36:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2305055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuchan20/pseuds/Ryuchan20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Let's make a bet."</p><p>It's typical of Luxord to say such a thing but Xaldin isn't prepared for what this bet entails.</p><p>"I bet I can make you believe in love."</p><p>Xaldin has conceded to believing Love is nothing more than silly fabrication of the mind and even if this bet seems to be in his favor he's not prepared in the least for what the wily Gambler has in store for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, finally I'm posting some Kingdom Hearts fanfiction again. I really love this ship and they don't get nearly enough love. I originally had intentions to make this a Doujinshi but just lack the focus to draw right now. So it's a fanfic instead. 
> 
> This fic is dedicated to my fellow XalLux friends.
> 
> Enjoy!

 “I don't believe in love.” It's what he always said when people asked him about it. Love. A stupid, flighty emotion that had no sense to it. Infatuation, maybe. Lust, definitely, but love was an anomaly that was more ideals than anything. An ideal could be anything to anyone which was why love itself was a lie from the start. It was simply a fabrication of someone's ideals mixed with infatuation and lust.

 

“What? That's nonsense, everyone at some time will believe in it.” The blond's sultry accent carried over the space between them as he leaned into the armrest of the chair, his chin positioned on top of the back of his hand.

 

Xaldin glanced at the man, almost annoyed by that smarmy grin. He always looked so sure of himself. It's agitating. “Well, I don't.” How could he believe in such a thing? It's a waste of time and only lead to trouble.

 

“Hpmh.” Luxord's blue eyes narrowed a bit as if sizing Xaldin up.

 

He couldn't help but squirm a little under the stare, but his expression grew threatening. What was this man plotting?

 

“How about we make a bet?” And there it was, his usual catchphrase for settling any debate. Those blue eyes twinkled with delight, or at least a good copy of the emotion, and his lips turned up more into a challenging grin.

 

“What?” Xaldin cocked a brow, finding himself even more ruffled by that all too pleased expression on the other man's face.

 

Luxord sat up straight. “A bet.”

 

“I heard you, but what are we betting exactly?”

 

“I bet that I can make you believe in love.” He said it with such confidence it was almost laughable. Given their situation this entire conversation was so preposterous that, had Xaldin the ability to, he'd have burst out laughing.

 

“The odds are stacked a little against you. I have no heart and therefore no capacity to feel anything. If I can't feel it I can't believe in it.” Logical. Stern. He believed this in itself would shut the conversation down and this frivolous man would cease his idiotic prattling.

 

“Then you have no reason to refuse if you're so sure you'll win.” Leaning back in the seat, Luxord's confident grin had not yet left his face. His eyes trained on Xaldin, to the point that the dark haired man had to glance away. “If you win I'll do anything you say.”

 

“Even if it's to end your nonexistent life?” Xaldin snapped and then immediately tensed. No, he felt nothing. It was simply an echo of an emotion he once knew.

 

Luxord, however, did not falter in his gaze and simply answered with, “Anything.”

 

There had to be a catch but Xaldin honestly couldn't figure out what it is. Everything was against Luxord's success and yet how could he still sit there looking so confident? Staring back, Xaldin tried to uncover the man's hidden motives, but the longer he stared the more uneasy he got, and he had no idea why. At first he thought the man's gaze was just a scare tactic, a ruse to shake him down but it felt like something else. It's something he knows but can't remember.

 

“Well?” Tilting his head, Luxord raised a brow and that intense stare softened to something that could only be described as devilishly playful.

 

Sighing heavily Xaldin closed his eyes and turned away. “Deal. If I win you do whatever I want.”

 

“Deal.” Luxord nodded.

 

There were several moments where nothing else is said and Xaldin senses the warning bells alerting him again. “And if you win?”

 

Luxord smiled, a tiny one, but it was different than the ones before. “And if I win?”

 

What the hell? “What do you want if you win?”

 

A slow blink, it's almost agonizingly slow, and then those eyes are staring at Xaldin in a way that makes the larger man shudder and a weight akin to a stone sink into his gut. “Hm,” That gaze turned away and Luxord's stared out, at nothing it seemed, but there was a thought going through his clever head, that much was for sure. When the man turned back at Xaldin the far-off look was gone and that odd smile formed back on his lips. “I'll tell you when I win.”

 

“Hmph.” Frowning, Xaldin's brows furrowed and he crossed his arms. Stupid. How he got pulled into such a moronic little game baffled him. It's even more unbelievable that Luxord, someone he thought had at least a few more brain cells than the others, would bother devoting any time to the thought. Love. How could someone waste time chasing an ideal that does not truly exist? Feelings and emotions are fleeting, fragile. Love is just an illusion brought on by believing in your heart. However, a heart can betray you. It can cloud your mind and judgment to the point where you can't see past it and when you find yourself lost and broken, love is nowhere to be found.

 

With he conversation dead he decided it was time to leave. He'd wasted enough time chatting about useless things. He isn't here to make stupid bets. He's here to work toward their goal, the goal of becoming complete again. He wants to be complete, to feel again. The irony is not lost on him. Given all his protests he's still doing everything necessary to get the very things he despises back.

 

______________________________________

 

 

He'd traveled the darkness many times, but there was still a odd feeling every time. It's easy to ignore but the moment your mind notices it leaves you feeling uneasy. It's like realizing you're being watched but have no idea from where so you try and tell yourself it's only your imagination, which makes the feelings worse. Entering the Grey Area he saw Saix telling Demyx...no, no it was probably closer to say he was yelling at Demyx. Saix didn't raise his voice much but there was always a subtle shift in his tone when he was greatly displeased. Xaldin didn't like it. The Neophyte was far too cozy in his position and it was beginning to feel as though Xemnas trusted him more and more each day. Perhaps even more than Xaldin himself and the others of the original six Nobodies.

 

He knew he has to report but there's no telling how long this might take. Some days he wondered if Demyx acted dumb just to get out of doing things. That was probably it.

 

“You look so serious.” That voice is unmistakable.

 

Xaldin can't help but feel his body tense again but glances to his side to see that wily grin. “I'm not. It's just my face.”

 

“Hm? Really? I could have sworn I see you grin every once in a while.” The blond rolled his gaze around the entire room;watching everyone it seemed.

 

Xaldin was so caught up in trying to figure out what he was doing he didn't quite know how to react when those blue eyes turned to meet his again.

 

Luxord's smirk was like the one he had yesterday. The same smirk as when he'd refused to say what he'd get if he won the bet. “You see, if you don't learn to smile more you won't remember how when we get our hearts back.” Reaching up he slide one finger over Xaldin's jaw then traced it to his lips.

 

He couldn't react. He thought maybe his eyes widened a little but the touch itself was so completely unexpected he couldn't do anything else but focus every sense on it. It's wasn't even rough, but gentle and delicate. He felt the heat of the other man's skin even through the leather of his gloves as it moved along his chin. Then the touch was on his lips, and if possible, it was even more gentle than before. It tickled and Xaldin's mouth opened just a slightly as his jaw went slack. He was so caught up in the touch he doesn't realize he'd been staring back into the other man's eyes the whole time.

 

Then the touch was gone.

 

Withdrawing his hand, Luxord barely flicked his tongue along lips before turning away.

 

Normally the action wouldn't warrant so much as a thought from Xaldin, but after that he found his attention completely on the Luxord's lips.

 

“Saix is done now.” The blond's words reach him but the thought doesn't process.

 

He blinked and finally his gaze snaps away from the man's mouth to the rest of his face. “What?”

 

Turning, the blond smiled even wider. “Saix is done yelling at Demyx. You had to report to him, right? Better hurry before someone else gets to him.” It was almost mocking how he said it.

 

Now painfully aware he's been staring with who knows what kind of expression on his face,His mind starts to file through hundreds of thoughts at once. He'd forgotten himself. What was he thinking? What was he doing? He isn't exactly sure what his expression betrays as he looks at Luxord, but whatever the man had done to him was enough to shake his will ever so slightly. Before he can make a bigger fool of himself he pushed past the blond, practically stomping to Saix to report. What was this? What was _that_? Why had Luxord done that? Why did he react that way? So many questions sat in the back of his mind as he gave his report. He was sure he seemed distracted by the odd look Saix gave him but he didn't care. He ddin't care what this little upstart of a Neophyte thought. He just wanted to hurry up and leave. He needs time alone so he can get his bearings again.

 

______________________________________

 

 

He couldn't sleep.

 

After reporting to Saix, Xaldin had retreated to his room to try and sleep off the odd...sensation. He called it that because there was no other term for it. However, laying on his bed, even as he closed his eyes, the scene replayed over and over in his head. What had Luxord done? Why was he feeling so restless? Was it because he didn't understand the reason for such an action? He went over it again and again but there was really only one explanation, wasn't there? Luxord had tried to seduce him. Such a simple tactic, crude almost ,but he had reacted.

 

Shifting he rolled onto his back, glaring up at the white ceiling. Even as a Nobody it seemed he wasn't immune to the powers of lust. Still it didn't prove a damn thing. All Luxord would accomplish by using these tactics is make him sexually frustrated. It didn't connect at all to love or the idea of believing in it. It was only going to solidify his own thoughts on the matter.

 

Still, why was he so agitated? If it was merely sexual frustration he could take care of that himself. However, he did not want to resort to it in a castle full of beings that possessed powers, especially powers that allowed them to walk into any room unannounced. Growling he rolled back onto his side. His lips tingled again and he bit down on his bottom lip as if the pain of the action would erase the memory of that fleeting touch. Damn him.

 

The harder he tried to not think about it the more he thought about it. The agitation was building even if he ignored it, and finally he sat up violently, practically jumping off his bed. This wasn't working. He had too much pent up energy to sleep or even think straight. Running a hand over his face he made a decision and left his room.

 

______________________________________

 

 

An hour later he was sweating and panting. Brushing his damp hair from his face he lowered his lance. He'd used several heartless as practice dummies and let loose. Xaldin generally didn't get winded that easily but he'd been so keyed up he might have over done it a little. At least his mind had quieted with exhaustion instead of those dark, shameful thoughts. Maybe now he could sleep.

 

“Bravo.” Loud clapping could be heard from the door.

 

Or maybe not.

 

“That was impressive.” Luxord's smirk was a plague and yet he didn't hesitate to use it.

 

His rapid breathing became even more labored and he swallowed hard. Why? “How long have you been there?”

 

“A little while.” Luxord took a step toward him, and for a moment Xaldin thought the noise it made was far too loud as it echoed in his ears. One step, then two, and the blond was advancing on him. “I didn't want to interrupt you since you seemed so focused.”

 

Xaldin's violet-blue eyes narrowed into a piercing glare as his mouth went tense. “If you really didn't want to interrupt you would have left me alone entirely.”

 

The other man laughed. “True but then I would have missed the performance.”

 

“Performance?”

 

“Yes, I don't think I've ever seen you fight before so I was curious.” He was close to Xaldin now, almost directly in front of him. However the eyes that had been directed on his own turned away as a playful smile crossed Luxord's lips. “It was beautiful.”

 

His body seized up. For just a moment there was a strange constriction in his chest. As if in retaliation for his own physical response, he curled his lip up. “What?”

 

Luxord looked up at him again, undeterred by the harsh expression he received back. “It was beautiful, like a dance. I don't think I've ever seen anyone move so gracefully.”

 

It was Xaldin's turn to look away. “It's nothing as grand as that. It's simply the result of my training. Unlike half of you I don't play around when it comes to fighting.” Gripping his lance tighter, he struggled to maintain a sense of superiority like always.

 

“Is it?”Tilting his head, Luxord crossed his arms as if pondering the idea. “Maybe but I would think that it's every warrior's own characteristics that give form to the final display of that training. For instance Lexeaus. I've seen him fight, I can tell he's trained. However, he does not exert the same grace you do. He's fluid and strong, and every time he destroys a heartless it's decisive as if there's no doubt that blow will end it.”

 

It's almost uncanny how observant he is. Even as he described it he clearly sees how it relates to Lexeaus' fighting style. A style he knows well, has trained against.

 

“But you, you don't fight like that. It's fast and deadly but not assuming.” Coming closer, Luxord reached down and barely brushed his fingers over the top of Xaldin's hand that clutched the lance. His gaze followed the movement of his hand as he continued. “Every attack is followed by a guard, and every guard a counterattack. You don't ever assume your blow will end it.” Now Luxord looked up and it was the same as before when he'd touched Xaldin's lips. It's a strong gaze, one that has any number of meanings and thoughts behind it.

 

Xaldin can feel something stirring but his mind is so off guard he can't grasp it.

 

“Or at least that's what I got from watching you a little.” Luxord laughed and pulled away. “Sorry to interrupt you.” And just like that the man turned. He just came in here and said what he wanted to and was now going to leave.

 

It's as jarring as earlier. Built up to a peak and then completely left hanging, but for what he didn't want to say. It's agitating. It's so fucking agitating! Reaching out he grabbed the man by his arm and spun him around, something like rage finally breaking free. “What the hell?”

 

For a moment Luxord looked surprised but it quickly faded to something closer to amusement.

 

It only pissed him off more and, shoving the other, he dropped his lance and grabbed Luxord by the collar of his cloak with his other hand. “What are you doing?” He spat out the words with accusation but even his threateningly large form hovering over the blond didn't seem to work.

 

Luxord only smiled at him with a calm that could only be described as frightening. “Hm? What _am_ I doing, Xaldin?”

 

He knows damn well what he's doing! He wants to say it, he wants to hit him, but more than that is something so undeniably hot and intense that once he realized it all his rage become panic.

 

_I want to kiss him_

 

Shoving Luxord away he quickly, almost frantically, retreated from the room. He can hear the faintest sound of a chuckle but even that he'll let slide. He can't look at him. He can't...he can't breathe.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah this took a while since I've been busy. Things are certainly heating up. Hope you continue to enjoy it.

He sat on his bed, slumped over with his hand over his eyes. He was still damp from the shower with only a towel around his waist. Even now he couldn't control his breathing.

 

He'd hurried back to his room in an attempt to escape that bastard. He locked the door, for all the good it did, and went to shower and clean off after training. When the water hit him he had hoped it would clear his head but the heat only made it worse. Now his thoughts were not only of the man's touch but his face, those eyes that spoke volumes, and yet he couldn't understand a word, and a mouth that taunted him. He growled and turned the dial all the way to cold, shivering as the hot water went icy. He needed to calm down.

 

Sitting under the water seemed to calm the heat in him but just as he was about to turn it off he swore he could hear the man chuckling at him and as agitating as it was it was also so insanely frustrating that it made his body react.

 

So here he was, on his bed, feeling something close to shame, if a Nobody even could, after having had to deal with his problem. It's not like he hadn't jerked off before, he was a man but it hadn't exactly happened since he became a Nobody since he hadn't felt any form of sexual desire. Apparently that was something a Nobody could relate to. Of course it was just a physical reaction. It's not as if he “felt”.

 

Still there was no mistaking that Luxord was becoming a problem for him. It would be best to stay away from him for the time being, at least until he got himself under control.

 

______________________________________

 

 

He hated everything.

 

Standing across from him was none other than the very man he wanted to steer clear of.

 

“Today you and Luxord will do reconnaissance.” Saix said, giving the orders far too comfortably.

 

Why?

 

“A pleasure to be working with you today.” Luxord's voice almost had a mocking tone to it.

 

He looked at Saix. “I want a partner change.”

 

“No.” Saix didn't even let him finish the sentence. “Everyone else is out or busy. You two are it.” he looked at Xaldin as if to say there was no way to negotiate this at all. Unfortunately Saix had become Xemnas' voice, though Xaldin had his doubts about it to a degree.

 

Sighing he looked back to the smirking blond. “Let's go.” Turning on his heels he opened a portal into the darkness and walked through, not even bothering to see if Luxord was following. He actually wasn't even sure the man had followed him until something very unexpected happened. Walking through the darkness he suddenly felt the sensation of fingers slipping between his own, clasping his hand and then Luxord was beside him.

 

He jerked and tried to tug his hand away but Luxord already had a good grip on him. “What are you doing?”

 

“Holding hands so I don't get lost.” He said simply, smirking as he glanced at Xaldin. “I'm scared of the dark.”

 

He sneered, though his skin felt hot for some reason as he shook his hand to try and untangle their fingers. “Don't be ridiculous. We're not here to play around.” Their path was almost at their destination and yet he was feeling that panic from last night. Usually when he wandered the darkness there was always an uneasy feeling. It was not even a factor in his mind right now. All he wanted was to hurry and get his hand away from Luxord before he lost his mind again. “Let go!” He snapped.

 

Holding up both hands, Luxord released his grip on Xaldin and sighed. “So grumpy.”

 

He growled. “I'm not grumpy. If anything I'm annoyed.”

 

“That's an emotion.” Luxord countered.

 

“I remember very well what annoyance feels like so I'm sure it's just muscle memory at work. Dealing with pests like you seems to be my curse.” he shot a glare at the man.

 

To his surprise Luxord actually pouted a little. “That's harsh. And I thought we were getting on so well after our moment last night.” He covered his chest with a hand. “Ah, the sweet sting of rejection.”

 

“Don't be an idiot.” he grumbled, and opened the other end of the portal walking out into Wonderland. He hated this place. It was unreasonable and eccentric, much like his current companion. He just had to make it through this mission. Once they returned he'd be sure to request that he never partner with Luxord again. He didn't need this. He didn't need this...strangeness in him any longer.

 

Despite the tension at the beginning Luxord actually did do his work properly. They were able to finish up quickly with only a couple odd occurrences. Mostly it was just the blond saying something odd that made his mind wander. Fortunately he was able to push those thoughts aside. “Let's head back.” He started to open a portal when he heard his name.

 

“Xaldin.”

 

He glanced over his shoulder at the man. “What? Did you forget something?” He'd just started to relax again but looking at the man made everything tense up once more. Luxord was looking at him like _that_ again.

 

“Xaldin, you do remember our bet, right?”

 

As if he could forget it. It was a constant plague lately. “Yes. And let me just tell you once more it's useless. So stop what you're doing.” Yes, he would shut it down now. He would make the man realize it was all futile and then maybe he could get some sleep.

 

“Stop what exactly?” There was the seductive tone again and Luxord's head tilted a little inquisitively.

 

Looking at him his brow furrowed and he found himself at a loss for what to say. Luxord knew damn well what he was asking and yet he was trying to be cute. “Just stop trying. It's pointless.”

 

“Is it?” Luxord's brows raised. “You know you have a very bad habit?”

 

He cocked a brow, wondering how the conversation suddenly switched so quickly. “What?”

 

Tapping between his eyebrows, Luxord grinned. “Here. You always get a little wrinkle here that twitches when you're thinking hard about something...ah you did it right now!” He pointed.

 

He reached up to his forehead and then stopped. “Tch, stop it. What does it matter? I'm trying to figure out how to get you away from me.” He felt a small string of panic inside though. He wasn't even aware he did that. How often did he do it? Was it every time? Had Luxord always noticed it?

 

“It matters because every time I ask you about what I'm doing you do it, like you don't want to say it.” He stepped closer.

 

No, don't come closer.

 

“It's because what I'm doing is not entirely futile, right?”

 

Stop.

 

“It's why you won't say it.” He was right in front of Xaldin now, looking up at him. “What is it that my actions are doing, Xaldin? If I'm wrong you can just say it, right?” Blue eyes drifted to Xaldin's chest and then a hand slowly trailed up it, over the leather cloak. “Are my actions getting a response out of you that you don't want to say?”

 

“You know damn well what...” He stopped. No, no maybe this was also part of the game. What if Luxord was actually just trying to romance him in some weird way and he was just taking it as seduction? If he gave away he was feeling sexually frustrated then he'd be playing into the man's hand. He would practically be giving him a weakness of his on a silver platter. Pulling back he turned and opened the portal. “We're going back. Hurry up.” Once more he didn't wait to see if Luxord followed, just hurrying into the darkness that was, for the first time, like a refuge.

 

“You know, if you're so confident you'll win why are you so set on making me stop?” Luxord's voice behind him almost had a challenging tone to it. “If it's not going to work then why bother telling me to stop at all?”

 

“Because it's annoying.” he didn't look back, he didn't want to. There was a good chance Luxord was making that face again and he didn't need to be any further wound up.

 

“I don't think that's it. You're lying, and badly at that.” The footsteps grew a little faster and Luxord's voice was almost directly behind Xaldin. “What's the harm in humoring me if you know you'll win anyways?”

 

He stopped. Was that...an invitation?

 

There was a warm sensation of a hand on his back. “Xaldin.”

 

He didn't know if it was sheer force of will or the increasing uneasy feeling of the darkness around them but he started moving again, wanting to hurry back to the castle but he didn't know what exactly he was going to do when they got there.

 

 

______________________________________

 

 

He knew Saix was suspicious now. He couldn't look at Luxord and once they reported he was quick to leave, going back to his room. He wouldn't risk a walk. There was a chance he'd run into Luxord and he was already plenty tangled up enough in his thoughts over him.

 

_What's the harm in humoring me if you know you'll win?_

 

That had sounded like an invitation. Hell, the way he said it with that slight flirty tone of his voice was practically announcing it loud and clear. I wasn't that he was agonizing over it, but why he was entertaining the idea of responding to it. On one hand Luxord raised a very good point. What was the harm in indulging? It wasn't like responding to the man's “come ons” would prove anything. It would actually solidify his own views on the matter and prove him right. Physical connects did not equate to love or any form of it.

 

He started to pace. Luxord wasn't unattractive. He knew that was not going to be an issue. The man was almost too sly with how he utilized his attractive features on him. Another thing was he hadn't been entirely repulsed by his touch so much as flustered because of his physical reactions. So it wasn't like a man touching him or touching a man wouldn't arouse him. Going over the facts it seemed logical that he was not adverse to sex with the him, if that had been what the other had been implying.

 

There were still things bothering him though. For one, Luxord may not have meant what he was thinking. There was a tiny shred of doubt that his “invitation” had simply been a case of bad phrasing and the Gambler didn't mean it at all. It was unlikely, but a possibility all the same. Secondly was the odd looks the man gave him. Both that gaze and that smile had been very different from any other expressions he'd seen on Luxord's face before. It wasn't like he had paid massive amounts of attention to the man before this bet, but he hadn't ignored his existence entirely. Thinking about it he had found his gaze going to the man curiously several times. Perhaps because he had been tricked by the man's elusively carefree nature.

 

So where did this leave him? Respond or ignore? He still couldn't decide. It was hardly the time to indulge in such past times given the slight urgency and importance of the Organization's mission but a part of him also felt something close to spite at how secretive things were. Within the Organization many folds of secrecy dwelt. Saix, Xigbar, Vexen, Marluxia, and even Xemnas himself all seemed to have various agendas that were only half displayed to the rest of them. Maybe it was this that made him feel as if he deserved his own agenda, even if it was one carnal in nature and not exactly scheming.

 

No, that was a stupid reason. He had more control and discipline than that.

 

He walked around the room a little more before finally sitting on the bed. He should go to sleep. He was sure tomorrow he'd wake up and think that this was just a momentary lapse in judgment. Falling back on the bad he rolled onto his side, trying to let his mind think about anything else than that enticing, clever blond.

 

…...

 

….........

 

…...................................

 

….................................................

 

His mind never did get off the subject of Luxord but he fell asleep anyways probably due to the exhaustion of trying to _not_ think of Luxord. Sinking into sleep he finally relaxed. For just a while he was able to rest and stop thinking about everything. For a while at least.

 

He wasn't usually one to dream, in fact even if he did he didn't remember them much. If only that was the case this time. It was as if his brain was rebelling against him. It was fuzzy at first, just muffled noises and quick images but it began to take shape. Roaming hands gripped tightly at sweaty skin, gasps and groans grew loud then were muffled as a wet noise replaced them, and even if he couldn't make out the face of one of the bodies he knew the other was him. He was grabbing at someone, a man, it was so obviously a man. Even if the dream was both graphic and yet fuzzy in details he didn't miss the little hints and flashes that became clear. Blond. Muscular. He could probably guess who it was, who he was touching in the dream. Somehow his mind recognizing that made the images in the dream heat up and he shifted in his sleep as his breathing grew heavier. Touches, kisses, the sensation of another body. He could feel it and not feel it and it was frustrating. Even when his hands curled and raked along the other man's hip it left him wanting. His fingers gripped at the bed and he felt himself waking up just as he heard the other person in the dream gasp his name.

 

_Xaldin._

 

He jerked awake, staring wide eyed at the ceiling, his body drenched in sweat and a very noticeable problem down below. As he lay there panting he couldn't seem to stop his mind from going somewhere it shouldn't.

 

______________________________________

 

 

He knocked before he could talk himself out of it. He hadn't been able to think of anything else. Maybe it was simply his weakness overtaking him after being awaken, or maybe it was to confirm something. Either way when the door opened and he saw Luxord looking a little confused and sleepy he knew his answer. The man's blond hair was a little tousled, obviously since he'd been sleeping. The unusual sight only tickled that odd spark in the back of his mind.

 

“Xaldin?” Luxord stifled a yawn and looked at him, leaning against the doorway. It was almost as if the man was too tired to stand upright on his own but then a smirk came over his lips. “Did you need something?”

 

He probably looked completely frazzled. He hadn't even tried to fix his hair or his clothes really when he'd gotten out of bed and left his room. He'd just been overcome with the need to see the one responsible for this. Seeing him now didn't help his situation though. It made it worse. This man, in the course of a couple days had completely unraveled him. He'd ruined his pace and messed up his thoughts. This man who was standing there with that stupid, sexy smirk, daring to look sleepy and yet so pleased with himself. This man that he wanted so badly and he couldn't explain why.

 

Luxord pushed off the door frame, standing upright now, and leaned closer to him. “Xaldin?”

 

He swallowed a lump in his throat.

 

_It's why you won't say it._

 

The man's words from earlier taunted him. What Luxord was doing, what he had been doing, was teasing him purposely to get a reaction. If that's what the man wanted so badly then he was going to give him a reaction. Reaching out he grabbed the man by the front of his shirt. Pulling him close he didn't even think about it as he slammed their lips together roughly. There was a slight gasp from the other man and then a grunt, probably because he'd completely fucked that kiss up in his impatience. Then the kiss softened a bit, deepened, and, taking another step forward, he pushed the man back into his room and slammed the door behind them.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So......see ya next chapter *cackles*


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay. I am getting ready for a vacation so I didn't have time or energy to work on this sooner. But at least it was only a week. 
> 
> I want to thank everyone who's spared this fic a glance and for the kudos as well. It makes me smile that even a few people enjoy this.
> 
> Anyways enjoy!

He couldn't even look at him. Honestly, he didn't understand what he'd been thinking. He wasn't even sure how he was thinking now. Xaldin had reasoned with himself why it had been a good idea to come to the man's room. Then when he saw him, saw that smile, he'd lost control. The second the door slammed behind them he'd been completely enveloped in the need to have him. He didn't even wait till they made it to the bed to start undressing him, peeling and tugging clothes off as if they were nothing. Luxord hadn't resisted at all either, in fact he was spurned on more by how the blond clung to him and readily undressed him in turn. It had all been so fast, naked bodies agaisnt one another, ragged breathing, gasps dripping with ecstasy. He ran his hand over his face. It wasn't like it had been bad. No, it was far too good. He hadn't really thought it could be that good with another man but he hadn't felt even the slightest hint of hesitation when he saw Luxord naked, saw him aroused, heard his voice or felt his body against him. All of it had only ignited some strange heat in him more.

 

“For someone who seemed to be feeling good not long ago you look pretty put out.” The amused voice next to Xaldin chuckled. Luxord was laying on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, and staring at his naked bed companion amused. Just like always.

 

He grunted and finally looked over, seeing the other man's disheveled appearance. His blond hair that was usually tidy was completely rumpled, some of it falling over his forehead and blue eyes that twinkled with amusement. He tried not to think of how tempting he looked. “This is all your fault, you know?” He grumbled.

 

“Oh, I'm aware.” Luxord laughed and then moved closer to him. “I was counting on it.”

 

He felt his body tense when Luxord came closer and narrowed his eyes as he stared at that grinning face. “You do realize that this isn't going to prove you won?” He was beginning to wonder if this was the man's entire plan. “Physical reactions and sexual desire does not equate to love. So if this is your intention you should stop now.”

 

Luxord's head tilted to the side a little as he looked away, his expression almost thoughtful. Some stray strands of messy hair bobbed with his movement and Xaldin wondered if he was somehow becoming obsessed with it. “Maybe so.”

 

He blinked and tried to direct his attention back to the conversation at hand. “There's no maybe. It's not going to work.” He turned on his side, propping himself up on an elbow. “Having sex isn't going to prove anything.

 

“Well no but it doesn't mean it can't lead to more.” The blond looked at him, his brows raised slightly. “There's possibilities with everything, Xaldin. So just humor me for a while.”

 

He sighed. This man was either an idiot or overly confident. Probably both. He sat up completely, the blankets around him falling to his waist. “Well it's not possible in this case. And this isn't going to happen again.”

 

Luxord sat up as well, leaning farther over and turning his head to look at Xaldin's face. “Why not? Was it bad?”

 

“What? No, it's..wasn't...bad...” He felt something close to what he remembered of embarrassment for some odd reason. It wasn't like he had to lie about how good it had been. As far as physical pleasure went it had been something he'd call amazing but he didn't want to broadcast that. “It was...sufficient.”

 

“Pft.” The other man laughed. “Sufficient? Wow, I feel so much better now.” There was something almost like a pout on his lips before he turned and grabbed Xaldin's shoulders, shoving him down against the bed before straddling him. While Xaldin still had covers shielding his lower half the other man was entirely exposed and staring down at him like a hungry cat. “I think you can use better words to explain it, don't you?”

 

Xaldin told himself to push the man off but even when he glared at him his voice lacked any bite. “Get off me.”

 

“No.” Leaning over further, Luxord's face hovered over Xaldin's. “Tell me how it was.”

 

There was a long moment where they stared at one another, and he was becoming very aware of the Luxord's naked body over him. He really should be thinking about leaving but.... “It...was fine...” His forehead tensed when he saw one of Luxord's brows raise as if telling him that wasn't what he wanted to hear either. “....I meant..good...very good.” Why was he conceding to him?

 

He was rewarded for it with a smile though, and Luxord leaned back, sitting down against Xaldin's thighs. “See? That wasn't so hard. Now if it was very good then there's no reason to stop, right?”

 

His body relaxed a bit in exasperation. “That reasoning...”

 

“Makes perfect sense. Don't argue. If the sex is good then there's no reason not to keep enjoying it. You said yourself it's not going to make a difference in regards to the bet, so what is the harm?” Luxord crossed his arms. “Well?”

 

He had a point and he was reminded what made him start talking to the man to begin with. Luxord was smart and good with his words. He could direct the conversation how he wanted and he actually was surprised he'd forgotten that when this all started. “I suppose every once in a while wouldn't be a bad thing.” A part of himself knew he was falling into the other man's pace but the rest of him tried to ignore it with reasoning.

 

Placing his hands on Xaldin's chest, Luxord ran them up along the man's shoulders and back down over his stomach, his hips shifting a bit. “Now that we got that out of the way....”

 

He knew in that moment exactly what was going to happen but by the time a slight groan left him he decided it didn't matter if it did. Luxord's body began to rub against him and is breathing grew heavy. Without thinking his hands reached out to grab at the blond's hips, gripping them tightly, his thumbs rubbing over the slight ridge of the bone. Luxord's wasn't thin, in fact he was very well built, but his hands felt big on that lithe, pale body. It was a thought that tickled something in the back of his mind as his hips jerked up against Luxord, the sheets between them becoming a nuisance.

 

Luxord said nothing, only gasped as his hips raised a little and his hands shoved down at the sheets, his fingers grazing over Xaldin's hot erection.

 

His eyes fell shut and his pelvis jerked against the sensation. He wasn't able to hide it now, not when that clever hand started to stroke at him. He grabbed at Luxord's hips harder, trying to tug him close but suddenly the blond pulled back. Opening his eyes, he looked up at him with confusion.

 

Luxord only smiled at him then pushed a hand against Xaldin's stomach and pushed his body down, his lips coming to rest against his stomach now. “Let's not rush it this time.” He murmured as his mouth ran over hot skin.

 

Xaldin squirmed, swallowing hard as he watched him. He felt more excited every second and couldn't seem to control it, or even think properly. He just felt. He felt sensations that had tingles and flutters trembling down every nerve. Reaching out, his fingers slide into the man's messy blond hair and then he his breath gasped out of him when a wet tongue lapped at his navel before moving down. He felt hot. He didn't think he was that sensitive to touch but perhaps since it had been a while he was more aware of it. It wasn't like he really have time to think about it when he felt the warm dampness of the man's mouth over his arousal. He gasped and his back arching off the bed. “W..wait...”

 

There was the sensation of a little puff of air against the tip followed by a chuckle and then soft lips pressed against him and moved as Luxord spoke. “You don't want me to wait.” Then the heat enveloped him.

 

His mind really did go blank for a second in that moment. Xaldin could only grip at the man's hair and squirm. He felt him sucking, licking; he could hear the wet noises that only seemed to taunt him. Whenever that mouth pulled back he gasped, a noise that made him tremble with a slight bit of shame. He couldn't control the noises he made and he half imagined the man laughing at him for it later. It wasn't like he could get used to it either, whenever he started to settle Luxord did something else to keep him from relaxing. When the trembling of his body started to calm as that tongue teased just the tip he felt himself sucked deep inside Luxord's mouth. When the hard sucking almost lost it's effect, that tongue slid along his shaft and had him tensing again. He couldn't breathe or think, and he grabbed at Luxord's hair tighter as he felt his body start to jerk and tense. So close...

 

Before he could reach that sweet release though the sensation was suddenly gone and he looked up at the smiling man who was licking at his lips and staring down at him with a look of such satisfaction it pissed him off. Why had he stopped when he was so close? His lips parted as the question rose up in his throat.

 

“Well, Xaldin, what do you want to do now?” Luxord's voice was low and airy, his body crawling back up to be even with him again. As he moved his hips arched low to rub against Xaldin; the dampness of the man's saliva still there, tempting him. “Hm?”

 

He lost track of himself after that moment, unaware of the hazy look that fell across his violet-blue eyes as he reached up for the man and rolled over to pin him to the bed.

 

______________________________________

 

 

Going to see Luxord became a regular occurrence. As in every evening. When he returned from a mission he would try to go back to his room but the images of what had happened wouldn't leave him alone, and before he could stop it he was turned on and seeking the man out. Luxord always opened his door to him, and other than a glib remark or gentle jab he never said much else before they were rolling around in bed together again. Every time he started to wonder if he had any restraint at all. He wondered that now as he stared up at the ceiling. The sex was good and he had to admit he felt a bit lighter lately, but it was probably just from sexual frustration he hadn't been aware of. This was a good outlet and it wasn't like he risked making things overly complicated with feelings.

 

He was startled out of his thoughts when he felt soft hair and warm skin on his chest and looked down. Luxord was laying his head on his chest and staring at him.

 

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Luxord looked a little sleepy as he stared at him but continued to wear a slight grin.

 

“Get off me. What are you doing?” He tried to move a little to wiggle him off.

 

“Getting comfortable. What does it look like?” Luxord huffed and pressed his head down harder on Xaldin's chest.

 

“I don't see how. It's annoying. Get off me.” He tried to move more before tensing when Luxord's fingers pinched at his arm, really hard.

 

The man huffed through his nose and looked away. “You say everything is annoying. I bet you'd say the sex was annoying too if I didn't make you moan so much during.”

 

He may have been mistaken, but he was very sure he felt his face go hot. However, he refused to think he actually felt embarrassment. “I would not!”

 

Luxord looked up. “Wouldn't you...” The man paused and stared a moment at him. Then a very tiny smile formed on his lips followed by a softening of his eyes. “Xaldin, you really need to be more honest.” Moving up he rested his chin on him and leaned up to kiss his jaw. “But I like that part about you.” He said it so sincerely it was frightening.

 

Xaldin grunted and refused to look at him. “You like odd things...” He muttered but there was a very real tension inside him he couldn't pinpoint. He'd been coming here for a couple weeks now. He'd touched Luxord so many times by now he was almost ashamed to admit how well he knew the man's body. Every time afterward he couldn't bring himself to leave right away and then Luxord would start chattering away about whatever he felt like at the time. Despite not wanting to get pulled in he always found himself conversing back.

 

He felt kisses moving up his jaw and then hot breath against his ear as Luxord nipped at his earring. “You know that this isn't going to make you win the bet?”

 

“Yes, I'm aware. You tell me that every time.” The nibbling didn't stop. It actually escalated to the sensation of a tongue slipping along the indents of his ear.

 

He grit his teeth, trying to not make a noise but it was difficult. He always responded. He always came here, always gave in, always went again if the man coaxed him, and he always said that doing this didn't prove anything when it came to the bet. He was starting to question himself.

 

______________________________________

 

 

“You really need to be more discreet.” Vexen's voice didn't exactly reach him at first since he was thinking about...other things.

 

He blinked and looked across to the man reading something, probably calculations from an experiment. “What do you mean?”

 

Vexen flicked through a page then looked up, his green eyes hard and mouth tensed into a thin line. “I mean your midnight rendezvous with Luxord. I have to walk by his room on the way to mine, you know? And you are not very quiet.”

 

He gulped and stared back, his eyes going a little wide. He hadn't exactly thought about it. They didn't do anything when they were around the others but he failed to think that someone might notice he had been leaving his room every night. He crossed his arms and grunted, frowning sternly. “It's not as if I'm doing anything wrong. It's something to kill the time.”

 

“From what I hear you're killing a lot of time two or three times a night.” He said it so straight-faced that it would have been comical to a normal person.

 

“Are you my mother? It's none of your business.” Wait...was he getting defensive?

 

Vexen answered that question with a raised brow that was almost like a warning. “Just be careful. You've been acting strangely too. I'm sure Saix hasn't noticed but Xigbar will if you don't keep yourself in check.” He looked back down at his notes.

 

That made him bite back any comment he might have had. Was he acting oddly? He didn't think he was. At least not around anyone else. Sure he may have been more aware of Luxord but he was sure no one would pick up on such a minute detail. In an attempt to change the subject he looked back at Vexen. “When are you leaving for Castle Oblivion?”

 

“Tomorrow.” Vexen looked up. “Though I'm sure it's not fast enough for some. If anything I think Marluxia was almost excited to be leaving.” He sneered a little and a rather unpleasant expression crossed his eyes.

 

Xaldin watched him. He wasn't the only one acting oddly. Though it was no secret Vexen disliked Marluxia, the degree of which he disliked him was almost too intense for a being that lacked emotion. “Well, he was given charge of the mission. I'm sure he's eager to show his skill.”

 

“I wouldn't count on it.” Vexen spat and set his notes down with a sigh. “I need to get things ready. In any case, think on what I said and watch yourself.” He got up, gathering up the stray papers he spread out on the couch.

 

He watched Vexen go, suddenly getting a very bad feeling about this. He wouldn't understand why until later.

 

______________________________________

 

 

I was not long after that they received word that everyone at Castle Oblivion except Axel had perished. The loss not only was bad for the Organization, but he actually felt a small bit if distress in the loss of some of them. He had known Ienzo since he was a child and Even and Aeleus since he'd come to first train. He had known them for a long time and now they were truly gone. He wasn't sure if he just felt the weight of such a reality or felt truly sad about it. It was somewhere in between perhaps since he lacked the ability to truly be sad.

 

“Xaldin, what do you think happens to us if we die as Nobodies?”

 

“Hm?” He looked over at Luxord who was laying on his back staring at the ceiling. As odd as the question may have been any other time he understood why it came up now. They'd just gotten the news about the others not long ago. “I'm not sure. I imagine we just disappear as if we never existed.”

 

“That so?” It was strange to hear his voice so lacking in amusement. “So all our thoughts, all we are, our feelings and wishes would just be gone...”

 

Hearing him like this was...distressing. “I suppose...” He sat up slowly and then glanced over at him before freezing up.

 

Luxord's expression was one he'd never seen before, but unlike the odd smiles and strange looks in his eyes this expression was sad. It was sad, wasn't it? It couldn't be anything else but that.

 

He didn't like it. It felt wrong and before he could stop himself he leaned over him. “Hey!”

 

Jumping, Luxord stared up at him wide eyed. “Huh? What?” The sad expression was gone now but the memory of it lingered behind the man's surprised eyes.

 

Xaldin couldn't shake it and it made him feel...feel? He pulled back and turned, sliding his legs out from under the covers onto the floor. “I'm leaving.”

 

“Already?” The bed jerked as the man sat up.

 

“Yes, I've been here every night. I need to sleep in my own room for once or people will start getting nosy.” He was about to get up when long arms slid around his neck and then he felt the warmth of another against his back.

 

“Then next time I'll go to your room.” Luxord murmured, his breath tickling Xaldin's ear. “Just don't leave tonight.” The arms around Xaldin tightened a little more, but just slightly.

 

“Why? Are you honestly going to try and get another round out of me? We've already done it twice,”

 

“That's not it.” Luxord interrupted. “I just like sleeping next to you.” The comment was said so casually but something about it hit him hard.

 

“What?”

 

“It's relaxing, don't you think? Sleeping next to someone? So stay or else I won't be able to get proper sleep after you worked me so hard.” Amusement crept into his words finally.

 

He actually felt guilty, or would have if he could. He had been a bit rough tonight though when he was Luxord never complained. “I honestly don't see how sleeping next to me helps you sleep but if it will shut you up then fine...wha!” As the words left him he suddenly was tugged back onto the bed, completely encased in the man's limbs. “What are you doing?”

 

“Making sure you can't escape now.” Luxord laughed, looking down at him. He'd somehow pulled Xaldin down against his lap with his legs securely around the man's chest. “You said you'd stay.”

 

Staring up he felt odd. Luxord was laughing now and there seemed to be no trace of that odd sadness he saw before. Had he thought abut it he'd know there was no way the man actually felt sad but... “I really don't understand your way of thinking sometimes. I said I would stay so you don't need to restrain me.”

 

Luxord smiled and tilted his head. “I know.” His voice was soft, almost gentle as he spoke, and then he reached down, his fingers trailing along Xaldin's jaw. “But if I don't take initiative you'll just run away.”

 

He felt it, a very loud thump that rocked his body, and then there was a flutter of nerves that ached and tickled at the same time as he stared up at him. “Who's running?” He reached up, grabbing him by the hair and tugged him down, the kiss feeling both odd and exciting from this angle. Their mouths fit together differently, but like this he felt like he took more care in noticing the man's lips. They were soft and warm but grew red and swollen after kissing for a while, which made them all the more tempting. Actually, kissing wasn't exactly necessary when they had sex but he always found himself doing it, and a lot of it.

 

In spite of his earlier protests their kiss carried on into yet another lazy round of foreplay before he fell asleep next to Luxord like he had every night since this began.

 

______________________________________

 

 

Weeks carried on to months and before he realized it a year had passed. Though to them it felt like hardly anytime, as if the darkness moved around them differently. Sora had woken up and their time to move was apparent. So much had happened within the Oganization but one thing was constant. His somewhat odd relationship with Luxord. Sometimes they had missions that made it impossible to meet at night but in the end they were together whenever they returned. Luxord even came to his room now about as much as he went to the other man's. All the while he reminded Luxord frequently about their bet and told him he still wasn't proving anything. The blond always smiled and said “Maybe not.” before changing the topic shortly after.

 

He tried not to think about it much. Honestly, he almost forgot about the bet at times; just enjoying the small physical pleasure he got, unaware that he'd already started to change. In fact it had started a long while ago but his own stubborn pride refused to accept it. He didn't even realize he was allowing that change to seep into his words as he tried to manipulate the Beast. He didn't realize he wasn't manipulating so much as empathizing with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to note that I blame a lot of this fic off the fact I've been listening to the Sekaiichi Hatsukoi OST whenever I work on this. Somehow it fits. Anyways hope you're enjoying the fic so far. I will try and update once more before heading on vacation in a few days, but if not then see you next week.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. I went on Vacation and all week has been failed attempts at writing and trying to get my sleep schedule back on track.
> 
> So here it is, chapter 4. I'm planning on one more chapter and a bonus chapter that will show things from Luxord's POV for some of the important bits.
> 
> Also next chapter, as long as it doesn't get away from me, will have some proper sexy time. >3

He was tired when he returned, but instead of going to his own room he found himself in front of Luxord's door, like it was completely natural to be there. He'd spent days trying to manipulate the Beast. Things were finally moving forward so he risked coming back to rest but he couldn't stop himself from coming here. He knocked and waited but no sound could be heard from the room. Reaching for the handle he tried to turn it and found it locked. A moment of panic hit him that he quickly banished, recalling that Luxord had been sent to Port Royal. He most likely was not back yet.

 

He gave up and finally returned to his room, falling on his bed face first. He was exhausted and expected to pass out any moment. However sleep didn't come. He felt...wrong in his bed, alone. It felt cold and empty and lacking something. Rolling over he stared at the wall, then out the window at nothing. He couldn't sleep. No matter how he tried to lay he couldn't seem to relax enough and finally sat up with a growl. This wasn't working at all. Why couldn't he sleep? He rubbed his hand over his face, groaning in frustration when the truth hit him. Had he really been sleeping alone the last year? Sure there were some nights he'd woken up to go back to his room or Luxord to his when they had missions to attend to but other than that....

 

He blinked and stared across the room baffled. He hadn't been sleeping alone at all for a long while now. It was like he couldn't get to sleep without someone beside him. Without Luxord beside him. He sucked in a deep breath and moved to sit on the edge of the bed as he sighed heavily. He shouldn't feel this flustered by it. So he'd just gotten used to a certain way of things and it was hard to break the habit it seemed. It meant nothing. Yes, it was certainly nothing.

 

He heard a knock on his door and looked up. Even if it could have been Saix, or Xigbar, or even Xemnas telling him he had work he didn't think of it. No, he knew who he wanted it to be, who he was sure it was.

 

“Xaldin?” The muffled voice on the other side of the door called hesitantly.

 

He got up and in a few long strides was at the door and tugging it open, seeing the blond looking about as tired as he was.

 

“You look like hell. Have you slept at all?” Luxord smiled, staring at Xaldin's face. The amusement died down a little and started to look like concern though. “Xaldin?”

 

Was it relief he felt? Happiness? He didn't want to think about it. Instead he reached out for Luxord and pulled him into his room, shutting the door. He was too tired to do much more than this and the second he had the man close a sense of ease made his body feel heavy. Dammit. Luxord was warm, and smelt good, and it was all he needed to feel completely relaxed even if it nagged at him in the back of his mind. Whatever. He didn't care anymore.

 

“X..xaldin?” Luxord's voice sounded a little panicked but the man's arms reached up around him. “You okay?”

 

“Just tired.” he murmured against Luxord's hair, breathing him in without thinking. “Very tired.” Xaldin held the blond closer as he moved to the bed, falling back on it and pulling Luxord onto his chest. He felt an immediate sense of calm, the one he should have had when he laid down in bed the first time. He felt Luxord shifted a bit in his arms but the man didn't pull away and his eyes closed as he sank into the mattress.

 

After a moment Luxord tried to sit up but was just pulled back down onto the larger man. “Hey, at least let me get undressed a bit. I just got back.”

 

“I don't want to. Just sleep.” he murmured, pressing his face against the man's throat. “I'm so tired.”

 

“Then why weren't you sleeping?” The blond argued.

 

“I couldn't.” The exhaustion from before came back to him, and his eyelids grew heavy; his mind wanting to rest. “I couldn't sleep...you weren't here...” He didn't even pay attention to what he was saying anymore. He was just talking truths his mind would normally stifle. “It's cold....if you're not here.”

 

Luxord's body tensed for a moment and then there was a sigh as his body relaxed over Xaldin. “That's not fair.” He said softly.

 

He wanted to ask why but was already sinking into sleep, the world around him going fuzzy.

 

“You're really too stubborn.” The voice felt far away and the next sentence was almost a whisper. “How long are you going to act like you don't get it?”

 

He couldn't answer him before the world went quiet and he fell asleep.

 

______________________________________

 

 

When he woke the next day the first thing he noticed was the warmth. It felt cozy, almost nostalgic actually. It was like it was the first time he'd been this comfortable in years. Shifting he tried to pull the heat closer and then began to realize his legs were tangled up with someone else. His eyes twitched and he started to open them, feeling the warmth against him move in closer and those legs between his own move. As the sleepiness began to fade back and he started waking up he couldn't help but notice his nose tickled. Hair? Wait...where was he? Finally his eyes fluttered open and he blinked. He saw a head of messy, blond hair in front of him and then the pieces fell together. Right, Luxord had come to his room last night and then they'd just fallen asleep. It wasn't the first time sex hadn't happened, but it was the first time nothing at all happened. Sometimes they ended up just messing around a little before falling asleep but never had they just cuddled and fallen asleep together.

 

Staring at the man in his arms he realized how entangled they actually were. They were barely under the covers. But his body was hot as Luxord began to shift and move against him, snuggling closer. He stared, not sure what to do and there was something pounding in his ears. He needed to get up and shower then head back to the Beast's Castle. He needed to...

 

“Mmmm...” Luxord nuzzled his nose against Xaldin's chin and then his eyes began to blink open slowly. They had a slight hazy, unfocused look to them, as if the man wasn't entirely awake.

 

There was that pounding in his ears again, and all he could do was stare. Usually he didn't stay long in the morning, always disconnecting himself from the other, but somehow couldn't bring himself to pull way this morning.

 

_How long are you going to act like you don't get it?_

 

The words he'd heard in his half sleepy daze rang out in his mind. Had Luxord said that or was it perhaps himself saying it? He honestly didn't know but the comment alone was enough to shake him and he pulled back, sitting up in bed. “I need to get back.” He muttered tersely.

 

Luxord sat up on his side, a bit startled awake by the sudden motion but eventually grinned like usual. “Of course. Don't work too hard now.”

 

Glancing over he frowned, his eyes narrowing. That damn grin. It was so annoying. Getting up he went to go wash his face, a part of him focusing on the man in bed. Somehow he felt...disappointed. Why? Luxord had pulled him back to bed plenty of times but when it came to their work he never protested. He only played cute when they had time yet he felt annoyed the man hadn't protested now. The very thought, the realization of that thought, it all made him feel like something hard and heavy was sinking inside him.

 

The cold water splashed his face as he gathered more in his palms, splashing again before looking in the mirror. What was wrong with him? He was acting weird.

 

_Just be careful. You've been acting strangely._

 

Vexen's words from the last time they spoke came back to him. After that he'd been a bit more careful but perhaps not enough. He was starting to realize the habits he'd picked up. Like feeling odd sleeping alone, seeking Luxord out, idly thinking of him. He had spent the last year thinking he was being perfectly normal but was he really? For the first time he felt like he'd lost focus and wasn't sure when it happened. He needed to get away. He needed to get away from Luxord for a while and clear his head before he did anything else odd.

 

He heard the door to his room shut and walked from the bathroom, finding his bed empty, the discarded sheets in a small mound at the foot of it. Staring at it he felt that odd dark feeling of disappointment and immediately squashed it as he stiffened his jaw.

 

______________________________________

 

 

He spent longer at the Beast's Castle, watching the residents, watching Sora as he tried to unravel his web. It was frustrating. He fed the Beast doubts and cynical words, trying to weaken his heart and then that boy would come and undo it all. At this rate he'd fail and failure was not an option for him. He'd need to get drastic. Perhaps his words were not effective enough. He'd done nothing but damage the monster's self esteem, use Belle against him and reminded him that no woman could love such a creature. Yet time and again those words proved false. No matter what he said that girl did not look at the Beast like he was something to be feared. When he'd controlled the Beast she looked at him with fear _for_ him, and when he was close to breaking the Beast down Belle would sooth him with honest words and tenderness.

 

He didn't believe in love. It was a silly, fickle emotion that had no basis. It was a false feeling created by delusion. So why was it winning? Seeing Sora below in the front hall, talking as if nothing was amiss he pondered why his words were no longer working. He'd used persuasion and deception to bring many to the darkness and yet he was failing now.

 

_How long are you going to act like you don't get it?_

 

He grit his teeth. He didn't understand. He didn't understand why it wasn't working. He couldn't fail. Love shouldn't have been able to overcome his control over the Beast. Love meant nothing! Nothing!

 

….He kept telling himself that and yet why was he thinking of that man's face? Why was he feeling so frustrated watching the happy faces below? Why? He rubbed a hand over his face and decided to retreat for now. He needed a new plan. His words no longer worked so the next step may be bargaining. In any case he couldn't think straight right now. Opening a portal to the darkness he stepped through and started back for The World That Never Was, the faint thought of wanting to see someone.

 

______________________________________

 

 

He didn't bother reporting. He didn't want to see anyone else right now. The only thing he wanted was to see that stupid, grinning face and kiss it, then drown himself in pleasure to shut out the frustration he felt. It meant nothing. Just a physical need he'd grown accustomed to. It had nothing to do with anything but that.

 

Going to the man's room he had a thought that perhaps he was still gone on a mission but it didn't stop him from reaching for the handle. The door opened.

 

Walking inside he shut the door quietly, not seeing any movement as he neared the bed. He half expected Luxord to be sitting there with a grin, saying something stupid like how he knew he'd come and act all cocky. What he found was the man curled up in covers, completely asleep. He looked tired. All his hot desire he'd let stew in the back of his mind fizzled out and instead he just watched the man sleep. Something in him didn't want to wake him up, not when he looked so peaceful.

 

Walking closer he moved to sit at the edge of the bed gently, never taking his eyes off Luxord's face. His hair was a mess. It usually was so particularly styled but when he slept it became a mess with strands sicking up all over the place. He recalled the first time he'd seen it, and the memory made him smile.

 

The blond moved a little, his lips parting for a moment as it muttering and then he stilled. Xaldin had tensed for a brief moment, thinking he'd woken him up but then relaxed. Why was his sleeping face so calming to watch? He vaguely remembered Luxord saying he found it nice to sleep next to someone, saying it was relaxing. He now understood. Even if they didn't have sex, even if it was just leaning close it was somehow soothing. His hand slowly reached out and he smoothed back a stray strand of blond hair, fingers gently grazing the soft locks.

 

_You know that this isn't going to make you win the bet?_

 

_Yes, I'm aware. You tell me that every time._

 

When had he stopped saying that? When had he completely forgotten about the bet? When did he start to feel empty when he wasn't near him?

 

_How long are you going to act like you don't get it?_

 

“I get it now.” He spoke softly, more to himself than anything. His fingers brushed through Luxord's hair again and this time the blond stirred, his eyes blinking open slowly. He understood now. This whole time he'd been playing into the man's hands and now it was too late to pretend he didn't believe.

 

“Mmm..Xaldin?” Luxord shifted his face against the pillow, his lithe body stretching a little as he sighed. “When did you get back?”

 

He didn't answer him, only stared as he continued to stroke Luxord's hair back.

 

And Luxord didn't ask again. He just stared back before giving that soft, strange smile and raised his arms out invitingly. “Come here.”

 

Xaldin didn't protest, he didn't complain, and he didn't resist. He moved to crawl into the bed with him, wrapping his body around the other man gently. He didn't feel tired anymore, not like he had. Instead it was a sweet, warm feeling that seemed to bubble up from his very core. This sensation. He'd almost forgotten it. In the midst of his addled thoughts he thought he could hear the gentle rhythm of a heartbeat.

 

______________________________________

 

 

The morning was awkward for the first time in a while, but not in the same way after their first night. No it felt heavy, as if something lay in the air between them. He got ready to go, knowing he could no longer prolong this. He had a job to do. He'd decided what he had to do now, since his words no longer worked.

 

“You heading back to the Beast's Castle?” Luxord asked, watching him from the middle of the bed. He didn't make a move to reach for him.

 

“Yes. Things are almost at the breaking point. I can't delay any longer.” He had a lot of things he couldn't delay anymore but the mission came first. He would just have to wait.

 

“Hm.” The blond's gentle hum was all he gave as a response.

 

“Luxord, when I get back, I want to talk about something with you.” His nerves grew tense and he looked back at him. “Is that alright?”

 

It was the first time Xaldin actually asked the man's opinion and it was obvious by the baffled look on Luxord's face. “Sure.” The comment was almost wary and his eyes scanned Xaldin as if looking for some clue. For the first time they seemed unguarded, or perhaps Xaldin had just failed to notice it till now.

 

He nodded. “Good. I'll be back then.” He got up. He wanted to say goodbye properly but until he finished what he needed to he decided to not. It had nothing to do with pride either. He just knew if he reached for him, kissed him, he'd never leave. When he got back he'd properly talk to him and...well, hopefully he did not find himself a fool. This had been a bet from the beginning after all.

 

“I'll be waiting.” The tone of the voice was shaky, but soft.

 

Xaldin looked back again, faced with that expression that baffled him from the beginning. When he got back would he find out what it meant? No, he didn't have time to worry about it now. Later. He nodded again, staring at Luxord longer than he usually did before he managed to finally head for the door. Despite his firm resolve he struggled to not look back into the room as he shut the door behind him. He would deal with it later. Once he returned they would talk and he would tell him. When he returned from his mission the results of their bet would be laid out before them.

 

He never came back.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Laughs awkwardly and hides*


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What" After 4 years this fic has an ending?
> 
> Yup I finished it. I hope a few who read this enjoy the thrilling and long awaited conclusion.

 

He felt his arms start to grow heavy as he stumbled back, falling to a knee. Of course this is how it would happen. He knew it the second the fight started that he would not win and yet he tried anyways. He unleashed everything in an attempt of pure stubborness. He could have given up, ran, but his pride would not allow it and now...now he was...fading. He glanced at his hands, slowly standing though his legs threatened to give out any moment. His eyes fell to the boy who still held a guarded stance but he needn't bother. This was it for him. His body was fading, dissolving maybe. Everything he was and everything he might have been shattering into dust that would soon be forgotten. Even his mind was growing cloudy but amidst the haze he could still recall one face. A face he wanted to see.

 

_Luxord, when I get back, I want to talk about something with you._

 

He still needed to talk to him about the bet. That he'd won. That Xaldin admitted defeat and he did believe in love.

 

_I'll be waiting.  
_

Luxord was waiting for him to go back. He needed to get back so he could tell him. He needed to. As his entire body was fading away he screamed. In fear, in frustration, but also in heartache. He wasn't going back there. He wasn't going to be able to tell him.

 

Xaldin's screams died on the wind and the Nobody that had stood there moments ago was no more.

 

______________________________________

 

It was quiet. He couldn't see or hear anything. It was as if he was floating in a void. The world around him had gone still and it wasn't hot or cold, dark or light. Yet, he knew he existed to a degree here but that hardly seemed to matter. There was nothing. To a degree it may have been peaceful but he felt a sense of unease in the back of his mind, like he needed to do something but couldn't.

 

He wasn't sure how long he was like this. Days or weeks could have passed, maybe months. In that time he was able to just think. Memories of a life before the darkness and even something of a life when the darkness took him once. One person stuck out in his mind. Blond hair, bright and clever blue eyes, but more than that he remembered a smile that spoke so many things, things he was only now understanding. A year he spent with the man every night he could and it took him so long to realize how he felt. The worst part was he was so painfully aware of how he felt now and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. Why hadn't he just told him? Why did he insist on fighting Sora when he knew he was going to lose? Why?

 

Usually he'd never let regret shackle him. Regret was pointless but stuck here with nothing around him it was consuming his thoughts. The only things that seemed to keep him going was the memories of those nights. The nights he fell asleep tangled up with Luxord. The nights he spent arguing with him over that stupid bet. He wanted just one of those nights back.

 

_“You sure know how to make a man wait.”_

 

The voice seemed to pull him out of his daze. It was so far away but he heard it, didn't he?

 

______________________________________

 

He stared up at the castle on the hill, hearing the bustle of the town around him. It had been a bit of a pain to get back here and things had certainly changed since the last time he'd been in Radiant Garden. He did know that if anything _he_ should be at the castle. He remembered seeing him there in passing way back before all this began. If he was awake and whole then surely the others were there. He was there. Moving through the town square he kept his eyes on the large building, ignoring the people around him. Rould had felt strange waking up, feeling normal but alone. He didn't understand why he was alive but the idea that somehow they all had gone back to normal gave him hope.

 

After Xaldin left that night he'd had to go back to his mission in Port Royal but when he returned the news of Xaldin's defeat had been...hard. What was harder was acting like he didn't care at all. Every part of him wanted to scream but he'd held it in and acted indifferent. It was at that moment he knew for certain they could not just be empty shells. He felt. He felt love and pain and sadness. All of it was so intense he thought he might break. Yet even knowing he felt for sure all he wanted was for it to stop. So when it came time to be sent out to stop Sora's assault he readily volunteered, knowing he would most likely fail. He wasn't even upset when his body began to desipate.

 

Now he stood in Radient Garden, following the trail to the castle with the hope that he might actually see Xaldin, or...was it Dilan now? He remembered vaguely catching the name spoken amongst them in the early days. Didn't matter. He wanted to see him. He'd waited long enough to hear the man admit what was between them.

 

The bet had been something to sate his curiosity at first. He'd noticed a strange feeling whenever he watched the man, an attraction that sparked something in his body. He had naturally written it off just as Xaldin had, lust. However the more he watched the Lancer the more he found himself drawn to him in more ways than physical. The growing interest bloomed into a modest form of affection so he decided see where it was going and made the bet. He knew Xaldin would resist and most likely not feel anything at first. So he started where he himself began and tried to seduce him, hoping that the more time they spent together the more the man might grow a sense of fondness for him.

 

It had worked. Over time Xaldin stopped arguing about the bet and their meetings felt more about simply being together rather than the thrill of the physical. However the more it was becoming obvious how Xaldin felt the stronger his own feelings became and he had actually stopped bringing up the bet out of fear. He was afraid that Xaldin's feelings really didn't match his own. It wasn't until that last night that he became sure. He was sure Xaldin would say something but then he had to put it off. Then he never came back.

 

Typical. He smiled to himself, staring down at the path as he recalled the look on 0Xaldin's face. The man had been so obvious, but Rould had waited with baited breath for words that never came. So he was here with the hope that he might actually hear them now.

 

The castle was large but in a state of disrepair after not having anyone in it for so long. Even the town was slightly different after it had been molded and changed by the darkness before once again reclaimed. He walked up to the large doors, staring up and feeling the first prickle of nerves come to him. No going back now.

 

The knock was almost too loud and he wondered for a brief moment if he should be here. What if Xaldin opened the door? What if he had no interest in their relationship now that he was whole? He struggled to quiet the million questions in his head as the door opened and was faced with both relief and disappointment.

 

Vexen stood staring at him confused before a look of understanding crossed his features. “I was wondering if you'd turn up.”

 

Confused he offered a half smile. “Like a roach, I'm afraid. You can never get rid of me.”

 

“Hm, well, jokes aside I would ask why you are here but I'm going to hazard a guess.” He simply turned and beckoned Rould in.

 

It seemed the guess wasn't going to be spoken aloud so Rould followed the other blond in and shut the door, looking around for any signs of the other inhabitants.

 

“You aren't going to run into him here.” Vexen said, heading down a side hall.

 

Rould jumped a bit, raising a brow as he hurried to follow. “Who?” He didn't know why he was playing dumb. Perhaps the other man wasn't here at all.

 

“Dilan.”

 

The name made him pause and he swallowed a lump in his throat. “So he's not here?”

 

“Here's here.” Vexen turned, staring at him with...pity?

 

That sinking feeling in his chest grew. It was like back then, when he heard Xaldin had lost to Sora. His mask cracked a little. “Where is he?”

 

Sighing Vexen rubbed his temple. “How do I explain?”

 

______________________________________

 

 

So many machines beeped, expressing information he couldn't comprehend. The room was filled with the sound but it also felt so cold and quiet. The white sheets were a stark contrast to the dark hair and large frame in the bed. He vaguely was aware Vexen, or Even, walked over to check one of the machines and the drip bags hanging from the stand. Rould's focus was on the man in the bed who was asleep.

When he awoke I was weak and slipped in and out of consciousness for some days. Eleaus and Ienzo were fine after a day and Lea. For some reason Dilan has not woken up once though his vitals seem normal for the most part. I have tried many tests with no results. He simply will not wake.”

 

Rould vaguely heard him, walking to the edge of the bed and staring at Dilan. He really did look like he was sleeping but even that felt wrong to say. He'd seen him sleep many times. Even in sleep his expressions were strong. He'd furrow his brow or frown and then sometimes look peaceful when Rould had stroked his face and admired him before curling up to fall back asleep.

 

As if taking the hint Even moved to the door. “I'll leave you two alone. It is possible he could hear you if you spoke.”

 

There was a delay in his response and by the time he turned to thank the man Even had left. He turned his attention back to the bed and came over, sitting on the edge of it. This was so strange. He was now aware that when he was a Nobody things had been different. There was a dullness to his emotions. He'd struggled to feel things during many of his and Xaldin's interactions but it had been slow going. Now, as he reached to cover the man's hand with his own he felt that very definite squeezing in his chest. It made his jaw stiffen and eyes sting a little so he took a deep breath to try and hld back the emotions he was feeling. He had no idea he'd still feel this strongly, but seeing Dilan here made it so very real. He felt it all and knew that what had happened before had not been a trick.

 

Taking another deep, shaky breath he finally spoke though his voice cracked slightly. “You sure know how to make a man wait.” Smiling wryly he took Dilan's hand in his own. “Then again maybe I'm the very fool you always said I was for chasing you here.” In the back of his mind he was sure a part of him was screaming this wasn't fair. “Wake up, you idiot.”

 

______________________________________

 

 

He was still struggling with hearing that voice, feeling like it was so close and so far. He tried to reach out for it but his body felt so heavy.

 

“Then again maybe I'm the very fool you always said I was for chasing you here.”

 

He heard it again and struggled. He knew that voice. It was hit voice. It was Luxord's voice.

 

“Wake up, you idiot.”

 

Struggling against something that wanted to pull him back down into the nothingness he tried to reach that voice. He wanted to see him. He had to tell him. This was the one time his stubborness should matter. Breaking free of the grip on him he reached toward that voice again, squeezing a hand holding his own a opened his eyes.

 

His body jerked slightly as he opened his eyes, the light blinding at first and his vision a little fuzzy. What was that annoying beeping?

 

Groaning he blinked and looked around, a fuzzy image of a figure leaning over him. He could hear his voice but it was muffled as his consciousness came back slowly. He felt sluggish. “Where...?” As his vision finally cleared he was given a sight that left him a bit speechless. It was Luxord leaning over him and the glow of the light behind him almost made him look angelic. He quickly berated himself for the stupid poetic thought though.

 

Still he stared, seeing the concern, the softness of his expression and he realized it was the very same expression he'd questioned himself about whenever he saw it. “Am I dead?”

 

A slow smile spilled over Luxord's lips. “No, 'fraid not. Just a little coma is all.”

 

“Oh...is that all.” He managed a very weak chuckle and coughed. His throat felt so dry. He took another look around then back to the blond leaning over him. All that time wallowing in that dark place agonizing over telling the man so much and now he had no words.

 

Luxord seemed to sense a lull in conversation and pulled back. “I'll get Even. He'll want to check you over since you've been asleep a while.”

 

Dilan opened his mouth to speak but other than a slight grunt he couldn't get the words out before the blond was off the bed and going to the door. Cursing himself he leaned back in bed, that annoying beeping getting to him more than he wanted to admit. Dammit, what was he doing? He'd been right there.

 

A few moments later Even came in and Luxord was nowhere to be found. Huffing he looked away as the blond started to prodded at him and ramble on about how he took his sweet time taking up and wanted to run tests. He hardly cared. The faster they got through this the faster he could find Luxord and talk to him.

 

“Fine fine. Run the tests, but can I get out of bed at least? I'm tired of laying here. My body isn't used to being immobile for so long.”

 

Even's brows raised. “I suppose you're fine based on everything I've seen but if you feel weak or lightheaded let me know.” He wrote down a few things and then got to work unhooking Dilan from the machines. “Ienzo went to take him to find a room, if you're wondering.”

 

His expression stiffened, feeling like he'd been caught.

 

Even only chuckled as he finished up.

 

______________________________________

 

 

It was a couple hours later when he was deemed cleared to leave but was ordered to get some solid food in him. He wanted to argue but he felt a bit queasy and he knew he was going to need to feel somewhat human again before he talked with Luxord. Eleaus was in the kitchen and though he didn't say much it was oddly comforting to be sitting and having a normal conversation. He was able to get more info over the goings on of the last few weeks outside of what even had already told him. He wanted to say it was important but his mind was on other things.

 

It was strange to be so preoccupied over something he had once said was pointless and unbelievable. With food in his stomach and his body feeling much better than when he woke he went out in search of their new guest. He found Ienzo and discovered where Luxord's room was but when he knocked there was no answer so he started searching.

 

A stray thought entered his mind that the man didn't want to see him but he ignored it. Now wasn't the time to start doubting himself. He needed to try and see things through before something else happened and he missed his chance. By all rights he shouldn't exist now. He shouldn't squander this opportunity.

 

He was passing by balcony overlooking the courtyard when he thought he saw someone. His curiosity paid off because the man he'd been searching for was sitting at the table there shuffling cards. “You still messing with those things?”

 

The blond physically tensed a moment before turning and then that wily smile crossed his lips. “It helps relax me, plus it passes the time.”

 

He wanted to ask why he needed to relax but ignored it for now. “Well you could have made yourself easier to find. I've had to run all over this castle.”

 

“You were looking for me?” He seemed honestly surprised.

 

“Obviously.” Dilan grumbled, crossing his arms as he stared the other man down. “Did you not want me to find you?”

 

“No, that's...” A strange look of hesitation crossed the blond's face before he slowly got up. “It wasn't that I didn't want you to find me. I suppose...” His words trailed off.

 

“What?”

 

Those blue eyes that had looked at him with such confidence so many times now seemed unsure. “It's nothing. How are you feeling?”

 

“I'm fine, and don't change the subject.” Taking initiative he walked closer to him. “What _is_ going on in that head of yours? For a year you seemed to have all the answers and know everything even when I didn't and now you're acting like you don't want to see me?”

 

“Xal...Dilan, that isn't it. It's just strange.” Again that gaze averted from Dilan. “You don't...think differently about...everything now?”

 

He was confused for a moment but something clicked in his head then. For the first time he looked at the man before him and saw passed the bravado. He saw him unsure, nervous, begging for some answer he'd failed to give. “It's Rould now, right? Ienzo told me.”

 

“Huh? Oh...yeah. A little strange to hear it again after so long.” He chuckled.

 

“I know the feeling.” Bracing himself he came closer. “So, Rould, I think there's something we need to discuss.” He came right up to the blond and Rould was forced to look up at him. “The bet.”

 

“The bet?”

 

“Yeah. The bet. You don't want to know the outcome?” He could feel his heart start to race as those blue eyes looked at him, both curiosity and fear in them.

 

“I do.” The words left Rould's lips as a whisper.

 

He spoke the words in his head over and over and now he paused as he looked down at the man, his pulse pounding in his ears. “You won.”

 

There was a long pause as they looked at once another. Dilan started to wonder if the other heard him when Rould finally spoke. “Then I get my reward.”

 

His brows rose, remembering that they hadn't agreed on what that would be if Rould won. He'd said he'd decide later. “Right. And what is it you want then?”

 

Rould's gaze dropped again. “This may seem stupid to you, but humor me.” Taking a step close till they were chest to chest he looked up again. “Say it.” Before Dilan could ask him what to say the blond continued. “Say why I won. I...want to hear it from you directly. That's my reward for winning.”

 

He remembered a time where he might have actually thought that silly. Now he found his lips quirking up in a small smile. “Is that so? That's all you want?”

 

“Stop stalling and-”

 

“I love you.” He cut the other off, grinning a little wider as he saw him go entirely speechless. “I love you. So you won.” Reaching up he cupped the man's face and pulled him close, still grinning as he pressed their lips together. A few things became very clear in that moment. He liked saying those words, he liked rendering the other man speechless, but most of all he liked kissing him.

 

“Mmmm, Wait,” Rould pulled back a little but not enough to entirely break contact, his lips brushing against Dilan's as he spoke.

 

“Haven't we waited enough?” He growled, leaning in to kiss him again, moving to loop an arm around the smaller man's back and pull him closer.

 

“I know but...I wanted to say...mmmm.” Rould gasped between kisses, trying to get his words out.

 

“Say what?” Dilan murmured, breaking the kiss only barely.

 

“I wanted to say I loved you too.” His breathy response sent a trembled through them both.

 

“I already know that.” His own laugh was a bit husky as he pulled back, seeing another confused look on his face. “I'm not the only one with tells.” He reached out and brushed his thumb under the man's eyes. “Whenever I asked you about the bet or told you it wouldn't work you'd always get this look in your eyes. I never understood it for the longest time until that last night.” That smile, that expression, it had been telling him from the start and he'd been so ignorant to it all. From the beginning the man had felt something toward him and over time it had grown ad grown till he felt it too. Even if they hadn't been normal or couldn't feel like they could now something had happened between them.

 

“So I've been found out, huh?” Smirking, Rould leaned into him, pressing his forehead against Dilan's chest. “You know, I was scared to talk about this?” He admitted. “I thought that things might have changed now that were back to normal. I knew it was a baseless fear but it was there and I couldn't ignore it like I had been able to back when we were Nobodies.”

 

His hands rested on the blond's shoulders as he listened to him. They'd had plenty of conversations over the last year but it all had a sense of masking in everything they did. Almost as if neither could truly say what they really. Maybe they hadn't known.

 

“When you left that day I knew. I knew what you wanted to say and I almost stopped you but I didn't want to push....I should have stopped you.” He gripped Dilan's shirt. “I didn't think I could feel what I did when I heard you were gone. It was awful.”

 

Guilt. He felt it deep in his gut. Still he wasn't going to let regret or “what could have beens” distract him. “I would say I'm sorry but there's hardly any point and I have no interest going over what should have been said or done.” He reached to lift he man's face to him. “I'm here now and so are you, and I think I just told you something very unlike me so you should really be more focused on that.”

 

Rould blinked in surprise before grinning and laughing weakly. “So very like you. All business.”

 

“I don't go around telling people I love them every day.” He pulled him close again. “And I think our time can be better spent enjoying these emotions you've pushed onto me instead of worrying over past mistakes.”

 

“Emotions I pushed onto you? I'd never do such a thing. I was just trying to win a bet.”

 

“Becoming human again has made you an awful liar.” Lifting the man's chin he leaned down to kiss him again.

 

“I was never good at it before. You just weren't paying attention.” The words grew muffled as the kiss deepened.

 

Groaning slightly he broke the kiss and whispered, “I'm paying attention now.” He brushed his thumb over those now wet lips, staring into the man's eyes. This feeling, he couldn't think of why he'd ever hated the idea of it. It was warm and comforting. He felt like whatever mess they would face with the darkness and Nobodies and Heartless was nothing. None of it mattered as much as this feeling he felt for someone else. Nothing more mattered then the man he was holding.

 

“You're doing that thing again.” Rould smiled, reaching up to rub Dilan between his brows. “What are you thinking so hard about?”

 

His eyes warmed and he smiled a little more. “I'm glad you won.” That strange tingle in his chest seemed to spread through him and he relished in it. “I'm glad I fell in love with you.”

 

Rould stared back and matched his smile. “You keep getting this mushy and I might actually forget how to talk.”

 

“I have a year's worth of catching up to do. Plus I rather enjoy seeing you go speechless when I say these things. Who knows, I might become addicted to it.” He gave the blond a wicked grin as he pulled him closer once more.

 

“Oh no. What have I created?” Laughing, Rould slipped his arms around Dilan's neck and pushed up on his toes. “Guess I will just have to live with the consequences.”

 

They kissed again, the rest of the world quieting for a while. What started as a simple bet had changed them in more ways then they knew. A man who once believed love was a lie now held the person he loved in his arms all the while not entirely aware that he had made a man believe in true happiness.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. Probably pretty mushy but I felt like it was needed. I was going to have a sex scene but a lot of their relationship had been based off the physical so I felt it was important to have them be open and honest and maybe a little more emotionally involved so I left it at that. You can think of what happened next as you will.
> 
> For now this fic is finally complete. Thank you to the few who read it and I hope this satisfied that happy end you were craving.


End file.
